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Stranded, alone, and oh so confused... Need advise about the militarys involvement..
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Ok here we go. I dont know what to do so I'm seeking advise. My husband came home on R&R. I was so excited! He stayed the first night with me just cause he was drunk. He claimed he didnt like my puppy and the house was a mess. Yes the dog trashed my kitchen and there were some boxes in the living room to move but thats beside the point. I had asked him to help with the boxes because i had surgery recently and am not supposed to be lifting things and he said that was fine.
Well he walked out the next day (tue.) and never returned. I have his assault pack and his uniform and all still here. He even left his leave paperwork. I was tried to get everything done he asked cause I want him home. Tue night I hurt my back so bad I ended up in the ER.
While I was there he came home with someone and picked up the truck leaving me without a vehicle. He wouldnt even come home for that.
The house is done. The dog is gone.Everything he has asked of me is finished. He still wont bring back a vehicle or come home. I am totally stranded.
He did text me last night when I said I had taken the dog to a shelter asking me over and over how it felt to kill my puppy. Now he's trying to get me kicked out of the apt. He has been staying with some girl the past few days. I don't know what to do or what I can do. I am living off an allotment right now cause I've been out of work. I am looking for a job to hold me over until I can drop the weight to join the military. He has been threatening with divorce since he left and going between I hate you and I love you. What can i do if he doesnt return the truck (which is in both our names) and if he doesnt give me enough for bills next month?

Adding - I just got a message. Im begging him to come home and he will think about it depend on how his date tonight goes.


"Suck it up and drive on."
 
Posts: 22 | Location: WA | Registered: 16 February 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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You need to get in contact with his command ASAP! If he's seeing another woman, and engaging in sexaul activity, that is adultery and is punishable under the UCMJ. GET IN CONTACT WITH HIS COMMAND (rear detatchment should be able to offer you some kind of assistance).
 
Posts: 580 | Registered: 29 January 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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I dont have proof he's sleeping with her. All I have is a text saying he's out on a date and his hard drive with pictures of his "friends" naked.


"Suck it up and drive on."
 
Posts: 22 | Location: WA | Registered: 16 February 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

Picture of MSG W
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You can call his command, but they aren't going to make him come home. They'd probably advise him to stay away if it's as volatile as what you're describing.

What do you want? The vehicle? You can call as say he took your only form of transportation. They may make him bring it back, but if it's his car, he has as much of a right to it as you do.

I'd personally use this time that you are still entitled to BAH to get your affairs in order, get a job and be able to completely support yourself so when he does get back and you get divorced, you aren't destitute.

ETA-You are entitled to BAH. Again, if that money stops, contact his command.
 
Posts: 403 | Location: Ft. Lewis, WA | Registered: 30 May 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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The apt is clean. There were boxs of his army stuff that I didnt want to mess with which is why I wanted him to move him instead of just making them lighter. Far as the kitchen being trashed it was some pans dragged out that the dog had gotten into.
My concern is when he comes back to get his stuff. Im worried that he may be really violient if he's as bitchy as he has been these past few months.
I want him home but he wont come home and if thats what he wants then fine. But I need a vehicle and I dont want to get him in trouble with his command. I do love him.


"Suck it up and drive on."
 
Posts: 22 | Location: WA | Registered: 16 February 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

Picture of ArmyWife~N~Soldier
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I hate to tell you this, but you should probably begin the detachment process, at least mentally. Stop feeling guilty about the way the house looked; it's no excuse for cheating on you and acting like a dick. I agree w/SFC W, you should start looking to begin providing for yourself. You are entitled to BAH until you are divorced, however his command cannot and will not make him come back to you. They do need to be aware of his behavior though b/c like you said he is volatile, and he's a risk right now, to them and to you. They are responsible for him, and if he's acting this way, and they aren't aware, they are actually liable as his supervisors. If your name is on the vehicle, you can report it stolen, from what I know (have heard of people doing it) and the police will bring it back. AND, if he's sleeping w/another soldier, and you have nude pictures of them to prove it, they need to be aware of that as well. Contact the chain of command, and start making arrangements b/c it sounds like he's checked out already. And I do feel for you b/c I've been there. Good luck.
 
Posts: 758 | Location: Fort Carson, CO | Registered: 12 March 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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Yeah Ive been job hunting today with what I can do online. I just hope I can figure out a way to get to any interviews! I contacted the FRG as well and they said Rear D will make him return the truck to me but that they would rather we work it out first. So he has til Mon. to get it back here or I'm going to have to start that process. Its going to be hard seperating myself mentally. I have been doing everything to try and keep us together. But for now, I'm trying to take care of myself too.


"Suck it up and drive on."
 
Posts: 22 | Location: WA | Registered: 16 February 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

Picture of ArmyWife~N~Soldier
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Sometimes it is much easier to let someone go who wants to go than to try to keep them with you. If you let them go, you never know, they may come back, or you will find you are happier on your own. My husband was in Germany w/out me for 6 months, and when I did get there, he was talking to another girl. When I found out I simply packed my things and left and sure enough, he decided she was not the one he wanted after all. The only way to know if someone truly wants to be w/you is to give them the option of not. In May, we will have been married fr 5 years and it has not been easy, and we have separated before. But he's always come back, so I guess he can't find anything better...at least not yet! But I also know now that I can be fine w/out him too (was actually just as happy...is that a bad thing?) In any case, utilize his chain of command if he's not supporting you properly (giving you his BAH). I will tell you that military one source has free marriage counseling (6 sessions I think) and the family life chaplain provides it free as well. Again, best of luck, and try to keep the drama between you and him and off his commander's desk. They have a lot to do, even on Rear D!
 
Posts: 758 | Location: Fort Carson, CO | Registered: 12 March 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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The chain of command is a last resort for me. Mainly I dont want to get him in trouble. But I still want all the info just in case it comes down to it isnt being taken of and SOMETHING has to be done. If that makes sense...


"Suck it up and drive on."
 
Posts: 22 | Location: WA | Registered: 16 February 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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Sounds like this guy has some issues. I think he needs to figure some stuff out. I wouldn't want him serving next to me in a combat zone.
 
Posts: 392 | Registered: 17 November 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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I hate to play the devils advocate here.....but did you give this soldier any STRONG reasons to believe he was wronged first. you do not even need to reply, you know in your heart and soul the answer all ready. From the outside looking in it appears as if you did do the wrong thing, and that is why he is acting that way. Everyone on this forum remember that there are three sides to most stories. One persons side. The other persons side, and what actually did happen.
 
Posts: 2619 | Registered: 08 March 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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If I did I dont know what they are. We have always worked through our issues in the past. I have given in to anything he has asked, so he is used to getting his way and when he asked to bring in another woman I finally put my foot down. He just always seems to want to control his personal life because he has no control at work.


"Suck it up and drive on."
 
Posts: 22 | Location: WA | Registered: 16 February 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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quote:
Originally posted by Corvette1140:
I hate to play the devils advocate here.....but did you give this soldier any STRONG reasons to believe he was wronged first. you do not even need to reply, you know in your heart and soul the answer all ready. From the outside looking in it appears as if you did do the wrong thing, and that is why he is acting that way. Everyone on this forum remember that there are three sides to most stories. One persons side. The other persons side, and what actually did happen.


Wow, I guess you were right when you said you post douche bag comments a lot. While I agree that often the truth lies somewhere in the middle I don't think you could have been more crass.

Good luck with your situation ArmyGirl, I have had friends with marital issues and It's never easy.
 
Posts: 275 | Registered: 17 February 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post

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Hello. You did not state your age but you do sound young. I am still in the game but I was also a professional years ago on a huge Army installation - a young spouse with children came into see me - the soldier left for training and left her with no money, and no food for either herself or the children. She had half a tank of gas and that was it. This is potential child neglect. I did not turn him into Family Advocacy - I called the rear detachment and asked them to get his a-- in gear and take care of this matter. He did. Yeah, yeah, they needed counseling. They took care of it later. Your situation - lots of good advice on here - number one - call Military One Source at
1-800-342-9647. They will line you up with a counselor right there in your home town - up to 13 weeks of counseling on the Army's dime. Think about it and then let us know how you are doing. Take a deep breath and make the call - they are open 24/7.
 
Posts: 438 | Registered: 22 December 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post

Picture of ArmyWife~N~Soldier
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quote:
Originally posted by Corvette1140:
I hate to play the devils advocate here.....but did you give this soldier any STRONG reasons to believe he was wronged first. you do not even need to reply, you know in your heart and soul the answer all ready. From the outside looking in it appears as if you did do the wrong thing, and that is why he is acting that way. Everyone on this forum remember that there are three sides to most stories. One persons side. The other persons side, and what actually did happen.


For every spouse that cheats, there is one doing the right thing. You just don't hear as much about the faithful ones b/c it doesn't make for very good stories. I've been around the army since 03 (DEP for the NG) so I drilled a year before Basic, then went Active after Basic. So yeah I've heard things and even seen some for myself that I really didn't want to...but you did kind of assume that she cheated for no real reason. When my husband was in Germany, I was living in my mom's basement, burning through phone cards and working my ass off to save money to fly over there b/c my release from the Guard was taking so long and I couldn't go be w/him. I was 100% faithful to him and he was over there doing the WRONG thing. So not all spouses that get cheated on or left deserve it.
 
Posts: 758 | Location: Fort Carson, CO | Registered: 12 March 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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