My son just joined in October of 07. He has been thru basic at Fort Benning, in Fort Gordon now. Getting ready to graduate his AIT in satellite communications with distinguished grad honors. He is the top of his class. So far his orders are to go to Hawaii.

I have not been real happy during any of this. I have tried to support him. It is hard when he is my only family and my only child. I hate to see his family move so far away from Indiana. They are having a baby in a couple of weeks, she will be gone before she is a month old. My other grandkids are 5 and 2.

It is probably going to be 3 yrs before I see them again. Telling me that I could take a nice vacation to see them is making me sick, I have heard it so many times. I can't do that.

I hate the idea of him being deployed after they move, and then leaving his wife and kids there alone. Of course the army will move you where ever, but they won't move you home.

Any suggestions to make this easier.

Justme...

Not being a Mom myself I can't pretend to know what you are going through however, My brother and I (my mothers only two children) both enlisted in 2005. It has been tough on her but she has fully embraced the "Army MOM" role. She loves getting up in the morning and raising her flag in the front yard. The Army isn't nearly as bad as it once was as far as being able to make calls and such and now with emails and all the technology availble, being in Hawaii wouldn't be that much different from being in Texas, California, DC, etc.

The best thing you can do in this situation is be supportive of his choice. He loves you and his family and i am sure he is doign this for all of you. While it may be tough personally, I am sure that all you really want is what is best for him, and from my experience it is the love and support of my family. If I have to go a few weeks without calling for what ever reason it is good to know that when I do get back in touch they will be happy to hear from me and not be laying on a guilt trip, remember as much heartache as this will be causing you he will have just as much plus the added stress of being a Soldier, which is the greatest profession on the planet. Be proud of him for making the decision to join our ranks.

the hardest profession on this planet is being a parent.....and I have only one.

I appreciate your time to respond thou.

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Originally posted by Dog Robber:
Justme...

Not being a Mom myself I can't pretend to know what you are going through however, My brother and I (my mothers only two children) both enlisted in 2005. It has been tough on her but she has fully embraced the "Army MOM" role. She loves getting up in the morning and raising her flag in the front yard. The Army isn't nearly as bad as it once was as far as being able to make calls and such and now with emails and all the technology availble, being in Hawaii wouldn't be that much different from being in Texas, California, DC, etc.

The best thing you can do in this situation is be supportive of his choice. He loves you and his family and i am sure he is doign this for all of you. While it may be tough personally, I am sure that all you really want is what is best for him, and from my experience it is the love and support of my family. If I have to go a few weeks without calling for what ever reason it is good to know that when I do get back in touch they will be happy to hear from me and not be laying on a guilt trip, remember as much heartache as this will be causing you he will have just as much plus the added stress of being a Soldier, which is the greatest profession on the planet. Be proud of him for making the decision to join our ranks.

Don't worry, your son will be fine. I'm just like your son: only son with a very concerned mother. Even though it has been tough for my mother for me choosing the Army and now being away from home more than seven years, it has made us even much more closer than anything else. Your son is married so he'll have same support of his wife which is going to make things easier on him.

You don't know for a fact that he's being deployed. We have have the same job and I know more than likely he is going to a strategic spot. Meaning he won't deploy. What's this about not seeing him in 3 years? We all get 30 days of vacation a year. I'm sure it will be expensive for him to travel with his wife and all, but you could visit him in Hawaii. Good byes are difficult, but you get used to it. Good luck!

MY son will be fine, and his family will be fine.
His mother taught him all the survial skills he will ever need, before he joined the army.

His mother might not be fine thou. I am sick of people telling me how I can have a wonderful vacation there. Are the same people going to give me the money to see my grandchildren? I am the same single mom who raised him, I live from paycheck to paycheck, going to see them, isn't going to happen.

YOU never get use to saying good-bye, when you get more mature, you will realize that.

I think what you need to see here is you are a mother, but now your son is a FATHER. I am sure he is thinking of his family and their future. If you think it is hard for you also think of them. It is very hard to leave home. Everytime we visit our family when it is time to leave they all stand and cry at the end of the driveway. What they don't see is I cry all the way to the airport. All the way through security. All the way to the plane. We just came back to Germany from two weeks leave and same situation I left my family crying and I cried in the planes bathroom. Do you get my point here? It is hard on all parties. When I joined my Mom wasn't happy. She now could not be prouder. My family misses my kids more than the miss me at this point.

I am sure people understand you will miss your son and his family, but they only tell you about Hawaii being such a good vacation spot well because it really is. I am sure there is no cruel intention with the comment. Most Americans are living paycheck to paycheck. You do what you can. Maybe one year he can come to you one year you come to him. In Hawaii there are Space A flights available. When he gets there he can look into it. He can get to the states for little to no cost and maybe drive to Indiana. There are ways around everything. My Husband and I do it with three small children also(4,2,1) from Germany twice a year. I know your upset. I know your hurting. Yes goodbyes are not easy no matter how immature or mature you are. They hurt everyone. You will be fine and your son will be fine. I am sure this is just as hard on him and his family. When it's time for him and his family to leave and if you should shed the tears I hope they are of happiness for your son for choosing to serve his country, be a responsible husband and father, and give yourself a pat on the back and remember you were the single Mom who raised that soldier.

I'm sorry,but no it will not be tears of being proud. I am only proud because he has done so well in classes, having the highest avg. He didnt do this to serve his country, but for the money.

I already know he is a FATHER, he has been since he was 16.

No I will not be fine, no one knows what I have already been thru in my life, as I don't know what has gone on in yours. I cannot take a whole lot more.

I needed ways to get thru this, not people telling me how i don't understand. I am so sorry that I dared to tell the truth about how I feel.

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Originally posted by Mommyof3:

I am sure this is just as hard on him and his family. When it's time for him and his family to leave and if you should shed the tears I hope they are of happiness for your son for choosing to serve his country, be a responsible husband and father, and give yourself a pat on the back and remember you were the single Mom who raised that soldier.

Every time I feel sad or angry or have a real FTA moment I think of the millions of women who have come before me. Woman who didn't have internet or phone or webcams. They did it on letters that took months to reach the front lines. What you have to realize is that you are not alone, every woman goes through these feelings.

You can either spend the rest of your life hating the Army, or you can suck it up, put your big girl panties on and deal. It's tough love but being angry and not proud is not going to get any better- you have to choose to make it better.

Until you make the choice to pick yourself up from your misery there is nothing anyone can say to make it all sunshine and puppies.

And every woman is not me, I have always put my son first. He doesn't know how upset I am, he never will. I will always appear that everything is just peachy keeen with everything to make him happy.

Also those who are taking to the time to post, do you have kids or are you the ones left behind or married to the army?

And I am sorry, but like I said there is not a single soul here who knows what I have already been thru. You don't have a clue about me or my son and his kids, and what I have already lost.

Every single day I go thru so much to just exist. So don't even go there with telling me to put on my big girl panties. Excuse me for not being happy.

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Originally posted by glass_ayla:
Every time I feel sad or angry or have a real FTA moment I think of the millions of women who have come before me. Woman who didn't have internet or phone or webcams. They did it on letters that took months to reach the front lines. What you have to realize is that you are not alone, every woman goes through these feelings.

You can either spend the rest of your life hating the Army, or you can suck it up, put your big girl panties on and deal. It's tough love but being angry and not proud is not going to get any better- you have to choose to make it better.

Until you make the choice to pick yourself up from your misery there is nothing anyone can say to make it all sunshine and puppies.

I think people have tried to be understanding with your issue.

I have three kids
I have a husband who is also Army and was gone when I had my first two kids to Iraq. One which was premature
I have a Mom (3 girls, 2 boys)
My husband has a Mom (2 boys, 1 girl)

So no one might not know what you have gone thru, but you are just going to have realize he is in the Army and thats that. It's good that you act like everything is peachy thats how you should act. I am sure the last thing he needs while in school is a Mom back home with such negative feelings about the Army.

If my husband or I made choices based on our moms "feelings" we would have been at home years ago doing God kows what. Instead we have traveled the world, been provided housing, been provided medical care, been provided steady income, and we have built a life that will leave us comfortable later on in life. No one expects you to do cartwheels of joy, because your son is leaving. Like glass-ayle said your just going to have to learn and adjust to live with your son being in the Army with time. No one knows what you have gone thru your right. Your feelings won't change overnight, but I hope one day you can be more proud of your son that just for the grades he gets. He is securing a future for him and his family which are his number one priority. I wish you the best of luck

To everyone who has posted - good advice for a very distress mother.

Justme2 - I hope that you are seeing other forms of counseling than just coming here. Your son is a MAN now and can make his own decisions. He has made a choice. You need to learn to let go. How old is he now? You need to come to the realization that you're not and will never be the only mother in your situation.

My mom raised me by herself and I have been pretty much on my own since I was 19 when I went to college and entered the military at 21. She just visited me from the US to Belgium at my expense. This summer I'll be home for 30 days. Maybe your son can do the same.

At 28, I'm pretty mature. While being mature might not be a necessary condition for easier good-byes, it does make those moments that you are together that more special. His choice to be join the Army for the money is a good motivator, but hopefully once he goes to his first unit his mentality will change about what his duty is.

You're right. No one knows what you have been through in life and no one is telling you that you we don't understand how hard it is on you. But we do KNOW what is like to be apart from our loves ones but life goes on.

You make it sound like it's the end of the world or something. Things could be worse. Your son could be going to some hick town in some boring Army base where he might hate the Army. You said your son doesn't know how you feel exactly. You should tell your son how you feel instead of keeping all these feelings to yourself, but not so much that he feels guilt but that you still support him. Now that's he not around any more you can dedicate some more time for yourself. Keep yourself busy. Find a hobby. Find Jesus. Do whatever you have to keep your mind off your worries.

Right now you might not realize what you have because you only think of what you have lost. You have been blessed with smart son and if he as smart as he might be, he will make you much more proud than he does now. He's not in the same area code but he is alive and healthy. He loves you very much and doesn't need you to worry about him. Life is not fair. You have to keep a positive attitude whenever things get tough or life has you down.

sorry, but it is for me. thank you for trying thou.

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You make it sound like it's the end of the world or something.