I'm sure the Army has had this issue before and that is why we have the family care plan. But my plan is just not going to really work unless it is a last minuet all out deployment. I need an every day plan to where some one is home with the kids until I get home with them. Can anyone make sugestions? I just PCS to my first duty station and I'm new to active duty.(I'm AGR) I could use some help with sugestions to how things work on post. I have a 14,11,9,& 8 year olds. I know the post has a REC center for after school care but I need something for when I'm TDY and on short deployments. I really need help. I dont have family near by to count on. This new army will chapter you out for not being able to do your job and take care of the family. I want to stay in the army and take care of my family. But there will be times one of the will be sick or have appointments. What can I do? Please help....Despret MOM/SOLDIER

The 14th year old can't watch the younger ones I watched my younger siblings at that age.

But that differs by most. Other then that your best best is the community center for them all...They will get to play sports until you come and get them? Also you can check to see if the FRG has any information to give you.

HI I am a single parent too, I have been in the Army 4 years and almost 3 of those I have been a single parent I understand how u feel b/c the army can be demanding especially when your an NCO. I am a truck driver and that is one of the most demanding and short notice support MOS'. I know it seems overwhelming at times I feel your pain and I only have one so I know it is hard for u. You could look into child care, you should have a youth center or the school might have some programs. I can tell you a huge thing is mingle with your fellow soldiers go to some of these FRG meetings if they have them(they should) because there are times when I had to rely on other people. I don't know if the father is in the situation but there are times when u might have to rely on him. I can tell u to also READ your regs b/c there are people who don't know them and there are some who do and they will try to get over on u especially since your new. A family care plan consist of a long term and a short term. Your short term can also be your long term, but I would highly advise u to get to know people because it is a big help! Also when your child has quarters you have quarters, cut and dry. I have a pretty understanding chain of command so it is not that bad, but sometimes inconvient. I know it sucks but I can't really tell u what kind of strategy to have, but I can tell u the regs, also u have 72 hours to activate your family care plan u shouldn't have a problem with that unless you are in a stryker brigade. As for appointments your NCO's should be understanding of that if not he/she has some issues. But lastly don't get discouraged I know it is hard at times, but there are alot of high ranking people that ar single parents and if they can do it you can too b/c the more rank u get the less personal time u have. No matter how much the army says family first it is not that way, honestly the mission is first. Show your NCO's that u aren't using your children to get out of things and u will be suprised how much that will help u. Play the game because it will help u in the long run. I hope I have helped u in some way and if you have any questions I am here because I know what it is like to feel overwhelmed. Let me know how your situation is going.

The best thing I can tell you right off is to use the resources the Army has given you. Talk to the other full timers and get their advise. Use your NCO support channel. Be active in your FRG. If you belong to any community organizations like a church they might be able to help out too.

I'm not a parrent so I have no personal experience, but I'll talk to the others I work with and see what they think.

AGR is a different Army than most of us know. Most of the time you're left on your own to figure things out. Get to know the rules and your benefits, you will need them at some point.

If you're Army Reserve, find the 79V career counselor in your area (if you're in a reserve center it's the first office as you walk in); we tend to have a lot of information and advice. If you can't find one PM me with your zip code and I'll let you know who to call. If you're Guard ....... I don't know what to tell you.

If you haven't already, see about the chapter 30 (active duty) MGIB and the Army paying for your PCS move. These things have fallen through the cracks before and I hate to see it. If you went to AGRET it should be taken care of but Recruiting command is bad about it.

Ultimately, your family is your responsibility. If that means you have to put the kids on a plane to your parrents in Alaska while TDY, then that's what you have to do (note that if it comes to that something is very wrong).

quote:

Originally posted by LEC:
Also when your child has quarters you have quarters, cut and dry.

Can you provide a reference to this? Or is this a local "understanding" within your unit?

Statement not supported in AR 600-8-10, regardless of how much sense it makes.

You have to look up regs on quarters although quarters is a recommendation, a family care plan is designed for deployments, field exercise, and other obligations,not for trying to find someone to watch your child when they are sick. When a child gets quarters 9 times out of 10 they can not attend school or other child care facilities so when your a single parent and your family care plan is a good distance away can you give me any other ideas to handle that? We as NCO's need to exercise a tad bit of common sense when dealing with soldiers, I know it is hard for some of us. Honestly, do you think a family care plan should be activated if your child has the flu. When u take your child to the hospital you get a slip saying that you are authorized to stay with your child it is not the normal TMC sickcall slips we get.
P.S. Most likely a CPT or above wrote the quarters slip so if the chain of command has a problem with it then they can take it up with the doctor.

I appreciate all the advice, I have bee useing the after school,rec center and the girl next door for short TDY trips. As for the dr. app, My chain of command gives gives me a lot of grief when I have to pick the the kids up for tutoring or take them for appointments or god forbid they get sick or hurt and I have to pick them up. I never ask for time off for myself unless it is absolutly nessasary. In fact I normally have use or lose days before I take leave. My CPT who is a single mother takes off with her child all the time but I'm not allowed to. I have to prove every appointment with a slip from the DR, pharmacy. When my son broke his collar bone and I ask off to stay home with him a couple of days I had to argue and threaten to go to the IG even when he had a d note and was not allowed back to school for 3 weeks. I can handel being a single mom and a soldier in the Army its the dual standard BS treatment that is hard to deal with. If deployment is something that I have to deal with I know I will loose custody of my daughter to her father. He will not allow anyone else to take care of her, and he will not give her back when I return so I will have to fight for visitation and end up paying support. As for the boys I will have to find someone to care for them. I'm working on that, probally someone hear on post. But I will just have to find a good church with a good support system. Thank you

I am really sorry that you have to go through that. It is not fair that you have to justify your appointments. Your NCO's should be going to bat for you, maybe they are, but I hope things get better for you and don't let this taint your view of the Army. I wish you well in your career.