I am currently married to an Active Duty soldier who holds the rank of SGT in the Army. He has served for 8 years. I have served 4 years on active duty from 2000 to 2005. I met my husband during that time on a combat tour in Afghanistan during 2002. We dated when we got back from deployment and then got pregnant 4 months later with our first son. During my pregnancy, we decided to stay together as a couple but not to rush into marriage. Then the 101st; where we were assigned at the time, got orders to deploy to Iraq. He deployed and I stayed back until my son was born. I finished the last 5 months of the tour after giving birth. We kept intouch through email and when we came home, we were reunited with our son. He was meeting his son for the first time. We established a home together, off post, and started to raise our son together. A year had passed and then we desided to get married. After tying the knot, we were pregnant again one month later. I endured about 7 months of the pregnancy as a soldier when we got the news that the 101st would be deploying again on another 365 day rotation. this would make it our third tour overseas, and he would miss another birth, and I would have to leave my second child behind to deploy myself. After discussing the issue with my spouse many times, we desided that it would be best for me to take a Chapter 8 pregnancy discharge to reduce the risk of fostering our two young children. After my seperation in June of 2005, my life as I knew it went altimately down hill. My spouse went on that third deployment while I stayed behind as a civilian wife with our kids. I struggled for 6 months trying to make a transition out of the military life style I was so used to incorporating into my life. I found myself missing the discipline, security, etc... and I became an angry person. Bottom line, I had wished I never seperated. So I went into the National Guard recruiting station while my spouse was still deployed and about 3 options were offered to me. I re-enlisted under my current MOS of 15P20 (Flight Operations Supervisor)with a $15,000 prior service bonus in December of 2005. I began to feel that sence of self worth back and I was happy to be serving again. My spouse was very angry for what I had done and said it was selfish of me to do it. I was horrible outside of the military, and I know I function better if I am serving. Not to mention I have an outstanding Family Care Plan. Well, when he came home from this deployment he was changed forever. I did not know who this man was and I was wondering what had happened to my husband. He began drinking, smoking, dipping, and in the evenings he would stay up late playing war games on his xbox 360. He also started to have nightmares, dodged ojects in the road, and even hit the deck when a firecraker would go off. I dealt with this new behavior not knowing what to make of it for a little while. Then it got worse! He started a pattern of misconduct at work on and off duty. He was arrested for Possession of a Handgun while intoxicated, and Aggrevated Assault. Those were two felony charges and both came about because he was drunk. The charges were dismissed, but he was punished at the unit level. When he recieved his PCS orders taking us from Ft. Campbell, KY. to Ft. Lewis, WA., we both saw it as an opertunity to get a fresh start. We found ourselves looking forward to the move and we felt ready for it. We arrived in May 2007. Not even 30 days had passed, when he got a PLDC date to attend for 30 days. I wasn't ready for that and I pleaded with him to wait. Luckily I made good friends with soldiers from my new guard unit, who helped me move in to our apartment, and even gave me a fulltime position as their Battalion Career Counselor. I quickly enrolled the kids into an on-post daycare and began to function normally like I was back in the active duty again. It was nice for a while. Then I get a red cross message that my grandma passed away, so I arranged for the kids to go with my mom (family care plan) so that I could fly back east for the funeral. My spouse did not want me to go and he was angry about that too. He seemed to be angry about every time I took control in his absents. After returning home from the funeral, I get the word that he was expelled from the school 3 days before graduating for drinking on Commendants time. I was so disappointed in him and kept quiet with my feelings except for mentioning that it was time for him to get help. That our lives together were falling apart because of his drinking and emotional problems. He recieved a Field Grade Article 15, 45 days restriction and 45 days of extra duty. He managed to keep his rank of SGT, but was not respected for it at all. He would come home late every day telling me it was my fault for not listening to him. I began to defend myself against him and his threats. He enrolled into the ADAP program, and was diagnosed with Extreme PTSD. Now it made sence for all his actions lately. They were giving him so many different medications to trial with and sometimes 4 and 5 differnt kinds to take at the same time. He began new behaviors and it started to scare me bad. He started cheating on me like crazy. Anywhere from a simple online chat, to meeting up with local girls, and even pornographic picture exchanges. I still have so evidance of a real act of adultry to go off of, but you can be sure it happened. I went through so many mix emotions. "Should I stay? Or should I go"? We enrolled into marriage couseling for about 2 months, and then our marriage counselor stopped seeing us because it was so bad. I felt there was no more hope for us and after praying about it, I confronted my husband, and told him that I was leaving him. He gave me the silent treatment for a week, and we slept in different rooms. Then one night I was sleeping in our bed and he wakes me up in a choke hold saying that I am not going to leave him and that he was not going to let me get him into more trouble with his unit finding out that he is an adulteror. He brakes my cell phone in half and takes the data chip and cuts his chin and chest with it. I called the cops and when they responded, it was I that was arrested. He told them that I started a fight with him over the cell phone and that I cut him in a rage. I never had a criminal history ever and that truely broke my heart. He wouldn't even bail me out, my 80 year old grandma paid the $1000 bail to discharge me. Luckily the charge was dismissed so I called my mother up and she drove from Utah to Washington to pick up our children. After they were gone, I came back to my house during his duty day to pack up my belongings. I took kids clothes and their toys, and most of my keepsakes and all my clothes. I stayed with a friend in the meantime to avoid him. I was just about finished when I arrived late one night unannounced. I walked into the front door to find him staddling a girl, half naked, infront of the fireplace and in the dark. I found a bottle of lotion out, beer bottles, and clothes spread out across the floor. He was giving her a message. The girl immediately ran up the stairs with her clothes and locked herself in the bathroom. He then put his hands on me trying to push me out of the house. I still had every right to be there. When he made threats that he was a victim and that I was not allowed to be near him, I took a chance in calling the cops again. When they arrived they seperated the 3 of us. I explained everything that happened, and what I was doing there. I find out later that the girl was a 14 year old minor that my husband met online to have sex with. I was so sick to my stomach, but for some odd reason did not feel that suprised about his actions committed that night. He had taken it too far this time. He was placed under an investigation for petifile behavior. While it was opened, i moved back to my moms house in Utah with the kids and it is where I currently remain. I had to leave my job position and the unit up there in Washington, and I am still not recieving financial support from him. I now have IG involved and expect to have a satisfying result soon. The last I heard is that the off post police did not have enough evidence to build a case, so instead of closing it, they desided to turn the matter over to CID and his Chain of Command. The CMD recommended a court martial with 3 years in military confinement. After living in Utah for 7 months and following up with his court martial recommendation, I find out from him that he was transferred into the Wounded Warrior Program and instead of military confinement,court martial, dishonorable discharge, nor an Article 15, he is getting away with a MMRB discharge from active duty. I am almost outraged and find myself disappointed in his Chain of CMD for their lack of Administrative Action against my husband. He should assume responsibility for what he has done. Now he says he is going to fight for full custody of the kids and I don't want him near the children right now. I am trying to start my divorse process with full custody of my kids in mind. I am looking for anyone who has been through a similar situation and is willing to give a step by step guide on what I need to do inorder to gain full custody rights of my kids with supervised visitation rights until they reach a certain age. Keep in mind that he was under investigation for sex with a minor and if he were convited, he would never been able to see the kids again and also register as a sex offender. He is not emotionally and psychologically stable enough to be with his kids as far as I am concerned and I need to protect them. They are only 4 and 2 right now and he is very angry with me and has made threats to me about disroying my life like I am the reason his is destroyed. One last thing, because he will no longer serve, My children and I will lose Medical benefits through tricare and our youngest son falls under the Exceptional Family Member Program for 5 years. He was born with a broken neck and awaits corrective surgery. He is only 2!! So I am considering re-entry into the active duty and switching my MOS to Recruiting Duty. But if I do this and leave, the children will temporarily stay behind with my parent for me to get settled and I am afraid their father will come and take them away while I am gone. Please Help Me!! I am lost in what to do but I got to make a decision soon. Thanks

Wow, that was a long and involved read ....

Although I won't begin to answer the step-by-step process because I am not familiar with that, I will quickly answer the recruiting/retention portion.

Since you are a single Soldier, you are not qualified for recruiting duty.

If all you say is factual and can be backed up with documentation, your husband will not gain full custody ... unless there are skeletons in your closet.

What exactly is the reason for not qualifying for recruiting duty? I am a SGT in the Guard and I am talking about AGR Recruiting assignment? Not Regular Army Recruiting. I was a Retention NCO as well and I have never been told, not even once that I won't qualify for recruiter. I am a 15P20 and it is an over-strength MOS. I have had several different recruiter and retention NCO's recommend me for recruiting duty. All I am saying, is that where does it say that I do not qualify? Or is it really just frowned upon because I will work long hours, and I will be a single parent? Just trying to better understand your responce. Thanks

quote:

Originally posted by skeej27:
What exactly is the reason for not qualifying for recruiting duty?

http://www.usarc.army.mil/retn/RTD/79r_eligibility.htm

AGR Recruiter (MOS 79R) Requirements
Unit readiness and defense of the Nation begin with recruiting and retention. Each AGR Recruiter or Army Reserve Career Counselor AN ARMY OF ONE, one Soldier at a time.

Members of the Army Reserve, Troop Program Unit, Individual Mobilization Augmentee, Individual Ready Reserve, Army National Guard, and Active Army Soldiers interested in the AGR Program may be eligible to become an Army Reserve Recruiter.

1. Must be a US citizen by birth or naturalization (nonwaivable)

2. Must hold the rank of Sergeant through Sergeant First Class (nonwaivable)

3. Must possess a General Technical (GT) score of at least 110 or an ST score of at least 100 (GT waivable to 100)

4. Must be a high school graduate with diploma or have 1 year of college with a high school GED (waivable)

5. Must not have more than 17 years of Active Service (AS) (nonwaivable)

6. Must be at least age 21 and not older than 35 years of age (waivable)

7. Must meet the height and weight standards of AR 600-9 or possess a medical determination of acceptable body fat limits (nonwaivable)

8. Must have passed an Army Physical Fitness Test within the past 6 months (nonwaivable)

9. Must meet the medical fitness standards for retention required by AR 40-501, Chapter 3 (nonwaivable)

a. Must not have a minimum physical profile of 232221

b. Must be medically certified as drug free and Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) negative within the last 6 months

c. Must not possess a medical profile for shaving

d. Must not be currently pregnant and must have been tested within the last 30 days

10. Must not have been previously relieved from duty with United States Army Recruiting Command (USAREC) (nonwaivable)

11. Must not have voluntarily left the AGR Program within the past 12 months (waivable)

12. Must not have any lost time under Title 10, USC during the current enlistment or in the past 3 years, whichever is longer (nonwaivable)

13. Must be able to pass a background check and receive a favorable RBI from HQ, USAREC (nonwaivable)

14. Must have favorable civilian and military disciplinary records (nonwaivable)

15. Must never have been convicted by civilian court or military courts-martial (nonwaivable)

16. Must never have had action taken (including proceedings under the provisions of Article 15, Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) by any authority for:

a. an offense for which the maximum penalty under UCMJ is death or confinement for 1 year or more (nonwaivable) or

b. any offense that involved moral turpitude regardless of the sentence received (nonwaivable)

17. Must possess a valid civilian driver's license (nonwaivable)

18. Must be financially stable and must not have filed for bankruptcy within the last 5 years (waivable)

19. Must not be a sole parent of a child or children under the age of 18 or for a person beyond the age of 18 who is handicapped (nonwaivable)

20. Must possess an approved Family Care Plan if married to another service member (nonwaivable)

21. Must have no marital, emotional, or major medical problems (to include immediate family) that would hamper performance on recruiting duty (nonwaivable)

22. Must not have been enrolled in a Drug and/or Alcohol Dependency Intervention Program within the last 12 months (nonwaivable)

23. Must possess excellent military appearance and bearing and have no obvious distracting physical abnormalities or mannerisms (nonwaivable)

24. Must be interviewed and recommended for recruiting duty by recruiting battalion personnel (may be telephonic) (nonwaivable)

Because you have 5 years under the EFMP for your son from the date of his discharge, you shouldn't be in THAT much of a hurry. Worry about your kids and custody right now, you'll need a lawyer, beyond that no situation is the same. After you've acquired full custody, then you should worry about what you are going to do. As far as the Army is concerned, don't go in thinking you can get an MOS that doesn't deploy, being a prior service soldier you should know that deployment is a priority right now and more than likely you will deploy if you re enlist.... no matter what your MOS is....

That was a lot to take in. I am going through a custody battle right now. The only thing I can tell you to do is to get all the paperwork now that you can. I got all my info through online databases for court cases where my ex had gotten into trouble. In addition contact all police that he got into trouble with, and see how you can get documentation on all incidents. Get a lawyer now, and you file. Do not wait for him, since a summons will be sent and he will have 30 days to reply.