im not yelling at anyone. like i thought no one that could help, or with any advice.

quote:

Originally posted by amanda reagin:
im not yelling at anyone. like i thought no one that could help, or with any advice.

I know you are not yelling, I am sure that was not your intention but when you use all caps it can be interpreted as that. I am sorry at poking fun about the whole thing, I thought maybe some humor would help with your situation or at least get your mind off of it for a few seconds...sorry.

I agree that if both parents serve maybe both shouldnt deploy at the same time but that is not the current policy and I am sure you knew that when you had your baby...so no reason to get so mad about it now...thats what the Family Care Plan is for. Good luck.

I just wanted to weigh in since my husband and I are dual military and have a child. I don't think it's fair to say "well you should have thought of that before you had kids". When soldiers meet and get married, they didn't necessarily plan to fall in love with another soldier, and sometimes ppl get pregnant without meaning to. It happens. And if you arrange your household and budget around two paychecks, I think a lot of ppl would find it hard to halve that up all of a sudden, so saying, "just get out and be a mother to your kids" isn't always an option either. The military is a career, and if both parents want to remain in for a long time, part of what they want to do in life requires deployment. If two parents, between the two of them, cannot find someone in either of their families to take care of their child, then yeah, someone needs to get out. It is very difficult to manage childcare, and school and all of the things that come along with children and still fulfill both units' expectations. In our case, it's even more difficult b/c our son has health issues and cannot go to regular daycare.

I guess my point is, it's no one's fault if soldiers find themselves in this position, b/c once you get in the military, you do depend on it, that's just how it works. But finding someone to take care of your children while you're doing your job is your responsibility as a parent, not the Army's. But, from the other side, commands should make every attempt to avoid deploying parents at the same time. That is just common sense...this isn't a normal situation, this is a wartime situation that is going to continue. There's no reason why soldiers can't take turns when it doesn't affect the unit's mission...

Yes. Again, I do understand that is what the FCP is for. At the same time, I do understand that it is our resposibility. Like I said before--We had a FCP but I don't think it will work at all. At the time the person that was going to care for my child was fully capable. Now she has a job that requires her to deploy also. With that being said, No I do not have any family at all that I would trust with my child for a week. Neither does my husband. Im sure I could find someone to care for him but these things take time. Not only is the FCP my problem, but I dont want both parents to deploy at the same time. It just does not seem right. Even if we had a FCP it would not be right. I don't know. Maybe I got it all wrong. All I know is that I want to be able to have the joy and memories of my child growing up. And I will one way or the other.

In my 2 previous deployments, my CO was nice enough to put the mother on rear-d for the deployment. I know this is not the case for a lot of units, but it is a short time solution for dual military with kids that WANT to stay in. I have also seen female soldiers get pregnant so they can get out of a deployment and/or get chaptered out.

Ordnance,
That was the case in my old unit as well; a male and female were in the same BN and our unit was originally supposed to take her husband w/us but they took someone from another unit in the BN b/c they had 3 little girls.

Also, I know females who get pregnant to get out of deployment, but please don't think that is always the case w/female soldiers. When our son was born with medical issues, everyone told me to get out, but our BN CSM was nice and worked with us. Now that he is stable again, I am volunteering and doing everything I can to get deployed, so PLEASE don't think we are all that way! I got pregnant the month before we were supposed to deploy, and some NCOs said some pretty hurtful things to me when in reality, I did want to go with them.

Oh I know that not all females are that way and I appreciate the ones who aren't...it's the ones who are that need to get punched in the face... by a female that wants to stay in of course

Yeah. I know. Like I said earlier, I have known people to do that also. It seems to me that it just depends on who you know, and who likes you. Seriously. I wish that could happen to one of us. It doesn't matter which one of us. Although my husband wants to get deployed. Me on the other hand, I will if I absolutly have to. One of us if not both will be deploying in 8 months. My husband wants to go. I don't right now. My son is not even a year old yet. I have heard talk about one of us leaving the unit but its like no one is really acting upon it. Yes. Believe me I have thought about having another baby. It may seem wrong. It seems as though thats the only way a mother could stay with her child. I would NEVER do that. But the thought has crossed my mind.

Reagin,
I do not know you, but I would suggest you and your husband sit down and lay out all of your expenses and discuss whether or not you could afford to get out. Getting an AAFES job shouldn't be too hard...with your husband's benefits (and yours of course) you can take online courses or courses at the Ed Center to get a degree in something you are really interested in. I understand not wanting to be away from your baby, but wanting to soldier has never left my system. If you are no longer dedicated to it, which is perfectly normal, you should rethink what you really want to do.

That is our biggest problem. I joined the Army at 17, and only 19 now. I know nothing but the Army. And me staying in is pretty much based on our expenses. Its really scary not knowing what to do, or where to start. I just wish I could snap my fingers and we would be all set. It just doesnt happen that way.

Ask your command to send you to a financial counselor. The Army has them. It sounds like all you really need is a place to start. What my husband and I have done in the past is just sit down together and list out all the bills, and decide what minimum income we need to survive. We have cut out things like gym memberships, website memberships, eating out so often, shopping, and buying new toys for our son who is just as happy playing with a empty milk carton. If getting out of the Army is something that you are not opposed to, I would suggest seeking guidance from a good NCO in your company. Tell them you need some assistance assessing your finances in preparation to separate from the Army...odds are your supervisors already know the situation you are in so just talk to them. I am the same as you (I joined at 17 and am now 22) and if I got out tomorrow I would have to work a crappy job until I got my school together so I could apply for a real job. It's doable...it just takes a lot of dedication.

Also, I would see about what it takes to get licensed to take care of children in your home; stay at home moms in my area make a killing (160 and more a week per child) just watching children in their home. But there are requirements of course...just a thought.

Those financial readiness classes 325i mentions will actually give you a worksheet to list all of your bills and expenses. you need to list everything you can think of if you do decide to do that. I have sent soldiers to that and they only made it worse for themselves by not listing everything. They got a false number about how much they really spent and ended up racking up like $800 in overdraft charges alone because they thought they had enough money to spend.