yesssss my wife and I are getting counseling now and its helping out alot. I didn't know bringing in a complete stranger would open us up about our problems. Do yall think being deployed and being back would make problems in a marriage?? let me know what you think.

It can, and it does. My ex-wife and I had HUGE problems. It didn't help the fact that she was having an affair, but nonetheless, I had no trust in her, and when I was away it made it worse. Everyone knows about Jody, so no need to get into that issue, but it is out there and everywhere.

I am remarried now and having HUGE trust issues with my wife when I am away, and unfortunately, after my tours to Southwest Asia and Central/South America, I am in a TDA assignment where I travel all over the world around 20 days a month.

When my wife and I dated while I was in C.A. she had a fling, and I cannot trust her. When I am on the road, all I think about is her doing it again, and naturally I put up a defensive wall so she can't ruin me like my ex-wife did.

I welcome any help I can get. I have all but shut her out thinking I can't trust her. Being on the road so often, it takes its toll on me too, physically and mentally.

The last time we talked to a counselor was about my step-sons behavior and I was told I was the "biggest POS father on earth". I don't look to highly at counseling but anything is worth a shot.

(By the way, the counselor's opinion in no way supports or discredits my character. She was later relieved.)

Anybody else have a take on this or experience to share?

Of course any long separation, especially while at war, creates problems in a marriage.

When we go off to war, our spouses become more independent and we may feel differently about this when we retuen.

If anyone needs marriage counseling (your command does not need to know about this), go here and talk with someone that will get you a local referral.
https://www.militaryonesource.com

AGain, the best part about this is how discreet this is and your chain of command will not find out. (Sometimes this causes even more problems when your CoC knows. )

By the way, the above is for CIVILIAN Marriage Counselors!

Well, my experiences in counseling have been good and bad. I always suggest soldiers go to fully try all avenues of approach before divorce. However for me, the first time, it didnt seem to be much help. Heres why:
I am in a medical MOS. So that means, when me and my wife went to the counselor, it was staff in my facility I worked in that we saw. Very uncomfortable. Not only that, but my wife, not knowing the woman who held our counseling and I did, felt like the outsider. I was basically able to use my professional relationship with the counselor in the session. Looking back, lol, it was really unfair to my wife.

My suggestion, is to go to the chaplin, or someone who is'nt directly involved with the service. It will be a fair shot for all parties involved.

As far as trust issues...Jody is everywhere. Most times we as people know the person we are involved with. Either you know what your getting, or its the pot calling the kettle black you know? I think you should explain exactly what your issue is to your wife, and see how she reacts. A jumped gun would be either guilt...or her being hurt. Get her some friends, not TOO many spouse friends, but some "squared away" ones to cut down on some alone time, and to at least have some more eyes on the scene when your not there.


Everyone needs a little help sometimes.

Straight from the https://www.militaryonesource.com website: (you'll have to register/sign-in)

What is couples counseling?
Couples counseling, also often referred to as marriage therapy, is provided by a trained counselor or therapist who works with both members of a couple to help them identify problems or issues in their relationship and work together to find solutions. Couples counseling is typically a form of "talk therapy," during which the counselor helps both people to communicate about issues and problems and come up with realistic solutions during regular therapy sessions. Because every couple is different, counseling sessions vary greatly, but counselors help couples better understand themselves and their partner, develop or improve communication and problem-solving skills, resolve old issues, and set goals for the future.

Who should get couples counseling?
Couples counseling is for any couple, whether they are married, engaged, divorced, dating, gay, or straight. Couples counseling may be helpful for couples who have a single issue they are having trouble resolving or for couples who have a number of issues. Counseling can also be beneficial for couples who are wondering whether to stay together or who have decided to split up.

What do couples counselors do?
Though there are many different approaches to couples counseling, in general, marriage therapists and counselors are trained in understanding the dynamics of relationships. They act as a guide to help couples recognize and understand the problems they've been having, gain new perspectives, and work toward better communication and understanding. Most therapists and counselors use techniques from a range of therapeutic disciplines because they know that what works for one couple may not work as well with another. The way sessions are configured may also vary from therapist to therapist or even from session to session.

Some therapists and counselors will always see the couple together; others will see the couple together and individually. They do not take sides but support both partners. Counselors or therapists may help couples with any number of issues, including

- communication
- intimacy
- anger
- money
- jealousy
- gender roles
- infidelity
- infertility
- parenting
- premarital concerns
- sexual problems
- decision-making problems
- drug or alcohol abuse
- chronic illness
- general feelings of unhappiness or a lack of fulfillment

Working with a couples counselor
Many couples have found counseling to be extremely helpful in repairing their relationship problems. But there are no guarantees. There are a number of factors that make counseling successful, including the right match between counselor and couple, and the couple's willingness to work on issues in an open and honest way. Below you'll find some tips for getting the most out of couples counseling sessions.

Realize that couples counseling alone cannot save a relationship. Only effort and commitment from both partners can save a relationship. But couples counseling can help you learn new ways to communicate, solve problems, and reconnect with your partner.

Be honest. You need to be honest with your partner and your counselor in order to get the most out of your sessions.

Be prepared to hear things that may be hurtful. Counselors and therapists provide a safe and structured setting, but when you and your partner are being honest you may say or hear something that's painful. Try not to lash out in reaction to a hurtful statement. Instead, allow your partner to express his or her emotions respectfully.

Don't expect the counselor to be a referee or a judge who will decide which one of you is right and which one is wrong. Therapists and counselors are not there to choose sides. Their role is to help you and your partner communicate more effectively and work toward resolving your relationship problems.

Remain open to what your counselor and your partner have to say. If you hold on to preconceived ideas about who is wrong or right or what a "normal" relationship is like you may have trouble working through some of your problems. Instead, try to enter into counseling with an open mind and be prepared to think about things from a different perspective.

Remember that couples counseling sessions aren't just about talking -- they are also about listening. Make an effort to really hear what your partner has to say during your sessions instead of focusing on airing your own grievances.

Be patient. Don't expect to be able to solve all your issues in a single session. Some couples start making headway after a few months and move on; others work for longer steady periods. The length of time you will need to work with a counselor will vary according to your situation. If your problems have been going on for a long time, counseling usually takes longer. That's why it's good to see a counselor sooner rather than later.

Finally, remember that the most important ingredient for successful couples counseling is a deep commitment from both members of a couple to work on relationship problems honestly and constructively.

This is a very good dicussion. I'm working with the army one source also is so confidential. The first day we got some pointers on how to work out our marriage I encourage you to attend if your having problem. Put it out in the open. At first I felt like it was going to be a waste of time because the lady was harping on the things I did. I was thinking "oh its female against male". lol But the outcome was fair. I never been to a military counselor but I would try a civilian first.