FCP Chapter

I have 11 years in, was planning to ETS in the next 18 months. I have 2 kids and I'm married to veteran who was medically retired. My oldest son is from my first marriage and is special needs, medical and behavioral. His real father is deceased. I also have an almost 2 year old with my husband. My issue is, my husband took a job in another state while I was TDY. My mom had to fly out to stay with my kids until I could get home. However, she is already raising one of my nephews and cannot handle all 3. She is also afraid of taking care of the special needs child by herself during, say, a deployment. My husband is going through training for his job and cannot take the kids. He also did a horrible job with them while I was gone and due to his own medical issues, he's really not fit to care for them alone. I have notified my chain of command of the issue, and AR 600-20 does include Soldiers who live apart from their spouse as requiring a FCP. I am speaking to my command tomorrow about this but I was wondering if they can make me stay in even though I have no long term care provider.
Original Post
SSG,

Wtih my comments, do not take offense but this may also cross the minds of your leadership.

I would not understand if your husband is medically retired (I figure he is getting some disability pay) and has another child with you; that he could not remain with you until you left the service. Why would he take a job in another state while you were on TDY? It is a shame that he is not capable of watching his children while you are at work. I know this bind must be stressing you out.

Since your situation is delicate in nature, I would engage your BN Chaplain and ascertain any documentation (e.g. husband's pay statement) to validate that you are currently alone with your kids. I remember that my former CSM use to tell his NCOs with predicaments that hindered them to be 100 percent productive was for them to learn to "manage their problems". And that meant managing it without seeking a way to exit the military prematurely before their ETS/Retirement.
Since he has been out my husband has had this irrational fear that he would not be able to provide for us since getting put out and everywhere he applied around here he had no hits because of the amount of people getting out and staying in the area. He was becoming depressed and angry at the situation and started applying to jobs everywhere, even after I told him if he found something he would have to turn it down. He could not handle me being the bread winner. It is sad that he couldn't handle my son while I was gone but in fairness to him, I have seen kids with my son's medical conditions in custody of the state because their parents couldn't handle their care. Some people just can't. When I deployed a couple years ago and he was with his father's mom, he wound up in the hospital because she was not giving him his medicine properly. So it happens. Before his father passed away, he actually got a dependency chapter to get out and care for him. But I agree, this is definitely my problem, as I think any FCP issue is the SM's problem and not the Army's.
When his father passed away last year and I gained custody of him, I immediately told my chain of command I would have to get out. My husband was stationed at Hood at the time and I already had our newborn. That chain of command gave me time to find care for him, and 3 months later my husband was transferred to my duty station. So I was able to make it work. Now we are beginning pre-deployment field training and my husband is not here I honestly see no other way. No one in my family is willing to take my oldest on.
I hope things work in the long run. I disagree with your husband's actions because the unity of family should always come first and you have to make mature decisions; not ones on personal pride. Also, I tell soldiers you want to exit the military with a RE-code of 1 on your DD214. You never know if you want to come back in or go Guard or Reserves. An early separation that gives another code may require a waiver or prevent you from ever serving again. A 20-year retirement check is something that will help you for the rest of your life.
I was honestly very upset myself and still am. Coming home to just the kids after 6 weeks really sucked. And I still don't know when I will see him again. I hadn't planned to do 20 years but I wanted more time to plan my ETS. I guess my fear is they can deny me the chapter and stick me on rear d which is always frowned upon. Do commanders have the right to disapprove it? I know the approving authority is the first O-6.
If you were placed on rear-d, I will not think of that as a bad thing. Based on your situation, it is best that you remain back.

Also, I doubt the deployment will require the bulk of your BN/BDE, so you do not know yet if you will be on their roster.

Before I left Fort Carson in 2013, I had to go to NTC two months before PCSing. Just because you go to the box, doesn't mean you will deploy.

This is a good link for you to contact

http://girightshotline.org/en/...dship-discharge/army

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